Who am I? vs. When am I?

A curious take on self-awareness.

Who am I? A question I’m sure we have all asked ourselves and one that often leads to other avenues of thought… ‘Who am I with my family, or my friends?’ ‘Who am I with my work colleagues?’ ‘How would others describe me?’ ‘What is my purpose in life?’ A question too, I am very aware is a gigantic subject to choose as my first substack post.

But how do we answer such a broad question, even to ourselves?

‘Who am I when I am just with myself?’ What does this question even mean?

In the workplace, I have spent many years helping others to explore this question related to their personality and emotional awareness. I’ve been in many a room where the first words aired when people meet are, ‘Who are you and what do you do?’ A question that makes my soul sink and my mask of smiling through painfully superficial conversations appear. My distaste for the question is more related to the second part of the question, ‘What do you do?’ The assumption that our current occupation, how we pay our bills, is a definition of who we are as a person. Whilst there may well be some connection, some hint of our interests that someone can glimmer from our occupation, quite often our job may not display the richness of our full being. Conversations that focus on the first part of the sentence ‘Who are you?’ are perhaps a more interesting and energising question to explore.

But is this even the right question to be posing? Recently I listened to a meditation by Jeffrey Allen (one of my favourite meditation teachers) who suggested that the most powerful questions we could ask ourselves to explore self-awareness is not to use the phrase, ‘Who am I?’ but rather,

‘Where am I?’

And…

’When am I?’

This instantly changes our perspective into a more present moment awareness with ourselves. Awareness of where our mind takes us, awareness of the signs our body is giving us when something feels right or not.

Where am I when I close my eyes, where do I go? Is this different with my eyes open?

When am I? Am I focused on the past, present, or future?

I wonder if these questions help us to connect to ourselves on a deeper level and ultimately help to direct us on a path that feels right for us based on our instincts, to listen to those soft whispers that echo beneath the noise of our soul helping to guide us.

Just tuning into this aspect of self-awareness may help us to notice where we have deviated away from our true passions and been carried along by our busy lives, perhaps caught up in other people’s definitions of who we are, or who they think we should be. But what lies beneath the noise?

I know that when I deviate away from my internal knowing, I feel the pull to return, the gut feeling of ‘this does not feel right’. A feeling I cannot ignore. When I act from the place of my soul, I feel a surge of energy rising, a trust in myself that I knew that was the right feeling to follow, an excitement of sorts, a rush of adrenaline, a spring in my step, a slow exhale and an alertness of being.

So maybe in slowing down a little, connecting to ourselves, asking ‘Where am I?’ and ‘When am I?’, we are able to see ourselves a little more clearly, to hear our own voice a little louder and be able to realise who we are at our core. Not necessarily being defined by our occupation, roles and responsibilities but more so by our passions, our creativity, our purpose and the difference that we may bring to the world around us. I wonder if this helps to give us the courage to step into ourselves, who we are, embracing ourselves exactly as we are now, not trying to change ourselves to fit in with expectations set either by ourselves or others.

I guess for me, I am here, right now, physically in my garden, enjoying a slower pace Sunday morning with my cup of coffee, listening to the birds around me and watching a sweet robin that keeps fluttering by. I’m trying to be present in my mind, following a love of writing, romanticising this poetry of life and trying to share a little more love to the world around me.

I am here

I wonder where you are right now and where this question may take you?

Sarah x